10 years ago today

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I had survived. Kicked out of my home with no job and little understanding of the real world, I had gone from a lost apartment, to homeless on couches, to my own carpeted room in a two story house in a college town an hour away from where I had grown up.

I was working in a bookstore and obsessed with marvel comics & star wars. I had notes for my own series of novels taped in chronological order around my room in a timeline. I had a mattress, a couch and very old laptop from my parents, and a myspace page where I talked to strangers in hopes of finding true love.

The bookstore was open past midnight and was just barely transformed into a trailer park rough version of Hogwarts for the release of the sixth and penultimate book in the Harry Potter Saga. I was reading the fifth book to get ready for it, borrowing my friend Crispy’s copy to read late at night at the 24 hour pancake joint he worked at. Crispy was often helping me, comping his own meals and gifting them to me so I could eat. 

I was dressed as best I could as Professor Lupin, and handed out chocolate to random children who were being sorted into houses. I was flirting with a girl because she was nice and we shared the last name. I was standing next to my roommate Jay as we rang up hundreds of excited families. al of dressed as goodwill witches.

I read the book every night in my carpeted room. Listening to the song “Grain” by a band who just contacted me on Myspace. For years the song only made me think of the green and purple cover to the book, and of the August heat as I moved away from that room, without a job, kicked out once again to live in a renovated church, a different directional hour away, to go sleep on a couch again with my friends Sakroka and Paxson of Ashgarden not taking over taking care of me. The book now finished and another chapter in my life beginning.


I have read the book over, and over again, to the point I have memorized how sentences finish. I have read it in the Caribbean, during n il-fated honeymoon, I have read it on a couch to help my own novel sound better, and I have read it in a new home, on a new couch, with a new love in my life.

it is my favorite book. I still hear the song “Grain” but now it makes me think of my own fantasy, a decade later.

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